Monday, December 31, 2007

New Year Honours - Cranmer’s Celebratory Pulpit No. VIII

Cranmer is delighted to reward his communicants with an open pulpit today - in celebration of his record statistics, and in recognition of his nomination for Personage of the Year. Cranmer can’t be having with all these pseudo-celebrities and civil service incompetents who have been awarded their memberships, officerships or commanderships of the Order of the British Empire, so he would like to bestow his own honour upon the individual who, in his humble opinion, has contributed most to the world this year, and that award goes to Mohammed Bear.

Mohammed was thrust unwillingly into the media spotlight when 20 children named him after a popular boy in the class. He faced 40 lashes, imprisonment and torture for ‘blasphemy’ against ‘The Prophet’, but endured to the end with all his paws intact. Yes, Cranmer knows that he is Sudanese, but Cranmer’s honours are not limited by the shores of this precious jewel set in a silver sea, for he is now read in 172 nations of the world.

His Grace’s ‘traffic’ has set some new records in December, with his busiest week being that before Christmas, with 5,869 unique visitors, contributing to his busiest month, December, which records 18,540 unique visitors. The most popular searchword continues to be 'Cranmer', and 'Muslim' outscores 'Jesus' by 2:1, but 'Jesus' beats 'Mohammed' by 3:1. Due to the admirable efforts of little Mohammed Bear, the word 'bear' is now almost at parity with 'Mohammed' - only 30 searches behind.

Cranmer was delighted that Reuters has used a number of his posts and broadcast them to the world, and even The Guardian has linked to his writings. Cranmer was humbled and honoured to receive an email from the BBC World Service on Christmas Eve asking him to take part in a live broadcast on the plight of Christians in Bethlehem. Of course, owing to the lack of a corporeal state, he regretfully had to decline the invitation.

In celebration of this traffic update and the honours bestowed, and in perpetual commemoration of the spiritual liberation afforded by his own pulpit experience with the Provost of Eton, Dr Henry Cole, His Grace is pleased to host another ‘Cranmer’s Pulpit’ for communicants to nominate their own Personage of the Year, or to raise whatever religio-political or politico-religious concerns they do so wish…

…intelligently and eruditely, of course.

And Cranmer wishes all of his readers and communicants a Blessed and Happy New Year!


Anonymous oiznop said...

Congratulations on your well-deserved stats.

I'd like to nominate the Bishop of Rochester as Person of the Year. He is truly excellent.

I heard the BBC discussion on Bethlehem, and wish you had agreed to participate. You are very good at putting 'the other side', which rarely gets a look-in on the BBC. Your 'lack of a corporeal state' is depriving the country of an audible voice. Have you considered reincarnation?

31 December 2007 at 12:31  
Blogger The Black Fingernail said...

Congratulations. I have only come across your blog recently, but now turn to it every day without fail. Thank you for your daily insightful reflections. Long may you continue (I guess you have eternity).

31 December 2007 at 13:08  
Anonymous billy said...

Happy New Year, Your Grace.

Mohammed Bear is an excellent choice. May I suggest York along with Rochester for honours? I think these to be our two most effective prelates and neither is your traditional Englishman.

31 December 2007 at 13:38  
Anonymous Miss Jelly Bean said...

It is typical of your bigoted blasphemous blog to nominate a blasphemous bear for a blasphemous 'honour'.

If anyone is worthy of an honour, it is Lord Ali and Baroness Warsi for freeing the stupid teacher who was the author of her own situation.

Happy New Year to you too, though you're a week and a half early for 1428 H. Be sure to send your New Year greetings to Muslims on your January 10th.

31 December 2007 at 13:51  
Blogger Unsworth said...

"…intelligently and eruditely, of course."

Your Grace,

That is almost impossible. It is largely inconceivable, too.

Nonetheless, in my own senseless and inane manner, I wish you and yours a very Happy New Year.

31 December 2007 at 16:07  
Anonymous Nathan Hale said...

Your Grace,

Congratulations on your record readership. I know it's no accident--this blog is a must-read for anyone who wants the latest developments on British and European society.

May the upcoming year bring you even more respect and recognition.

Your humble servant,
Nathan Hale

31 December 2007 at 16:29  
Anonymous Atlas shrugged said...

Miss jelly Bean

Bigoted yes, and far too often, but blasphemous never.

All religious teachings are a long told story of the stars. Nothing more and nothing less.

Therefore you cant blaspheme against physical objects. But you can take the piss out of those that deliberately lie there socks off to the common people. Especially those that know full well what there so called faith is really based on. Like for example the heads of the Roman Catholic Church, but there are many many others.

Having said that;

Can we all just imagine what a truly wonderful place the world would have been by now if we had ALL obeyed the TEN COMMANDMENTS?

However as it is, the only way we could ever have peace on earth is to get shot of every human being on the planet.

Which is exactly what our creators meant by the statement. So at our currant rate, peace on earth could be coming quicker then it may seem right now.

31 December 2007 at 16:30  
Anonymous Romney said...

May I use your Pulpit to commend my own teddy? He's called "Gladly" and is a cross-eyed bear.

31 December 2007 at 22:35  
Blogger Snuffleupagus said...

Miss Jelly Bean
She was the author of her own situation?? Please explain.

1 January 2008 at 15:40  
Anonymous The real Miss Jelly bean said...

Hey! That wasn't me! Someone's using my name... again!

Go and make your own name up!

How about 'Miss Baked Bean'?

1 January 2008 at 17:57  
Anonymous asian colonial subject said...

"Have you considered reincarnation?"

How about a resurrection? Haha...

And Congratulations Your Grace on your well-deserved recognition. Although I also regret that you are not able to use your brilliant mind to represent the other side on the BBC.

2 January 2008 at 00:54  

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