Happy New Year!
His Grace is delighted to announce that he was 100 per cent accurate in all of his predictions for 2011: the coalition survived; there was a LibDem meltdown in May; there were wars and rumours of wars; Israel continued to be portrayed as a pariah state; there were terrorist atrocities; taxes increased; people died; and Jesus didn’t return.
This is one of the advantages of existing incorporeally in the ether. While His Grace does not quite know perfectly or see God face-to-face, the dim reflections in dark mirrors are certainly fewer. In celebration of his astonishing prescience, His Grace offers the following predictions for 2012:
The Coalition will survive another year.
The UK will remain a full and compliant member of the EU.
There will be wars and rumours of war (especially in the Middle East).
The eurozone will split (but the moon won’t turn red).
Meryl Streep will win her third Oscar for The Iron Lady.
She will decline any advances from Mitt Romney to be his running mate.
Barack Obama will win a second term as President of the United States.
Boris Johnson will win a second term as Mayor of London.
The Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams will retire.
He will be replaced by another lefty-liberal male.
Pope Benedict XVI will criticise humanistic creeds and moral relativism.
A baby will be born to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
It will be male, and brought up in the Church of England.
Israel will continue to be portrayed as a pariah state.
Taxes will rise again and more people will die.
Jesus will not return.
His Grace again makes the last prediction with a high degree of certainty (though not infallibility), for there is still no sign of the Tribulation or Rapture, and it would be a little rude of the Son of God to upstage Her Majesty’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations: a God of love simply wouldn't do that. In addition, for the parousia to occur during the Olympiad would take the shine off all the gold medals, since the Lord is citius, altius and fortius than any of them. And finally, Mr Cameron isn’t quite ready to give a full account to Jesus and place the government upon His shoulders.
His Grace wishes all of his readers and communicants a happy and blessed New Year.